On the plane, 6:00 AM, aching for sleep. The trip is made. What secrets have been revealed about this boy I apparently never knew. He longed for Barbies, loved playing house with Elizabeth as a toddler, often felt strain with his friends’ fathers who challenged his anxiety, played with G. I Joes as though they were dolls (still a better choice than Barbies, I think). Relationships were constant hiding, conflict between the male and female impulses .
The session with the therapist went well. My spouse was open and loving, trying to understand. What’s clear is that we love him and he loves us. I have almost too much information right now, but I’m happy that my boy/man/woman has the support of good people, and that I have access to the information. The question remains – will he go outside as a woman. R insists he go to group, me too. A beginning of emergence, find out how he will relate to peers. Something still doesn’t compute for me, I guess it’s his insistence that he never really connected with anyone. I don’t entirely believe that, but certainly there was always a piece missing. Thank God he’s coming out of hiding, refusing to live out the rest of his life in that place of sadness.