Struggling toward Clarity

Long phone call with him/her. I’m beginning to get it-to understand why his friendship with the girl across the street from 3-5 was so rich, to appreciate how difficult late-blooming was with bullying (me too, actually), ¬†how a lot of male friendships fell off the grid. I attributed it all to social anxiety disorder, that he refused activities because he was afraid of people. ¬†Maybe yes, but really, he was hiding. High school was terrible. He was becoming aware of his gender dysphoria and trying to hide it, smother it. We knew something was wrong but never in our wildest imaginings thought of that. He was able to hide the experimenting with women’ clothes because we weren’t home a lot of the time.The video games were what worried me, I pegged that as the addiction. Physician, heal thyself. Too bad the social climate and the knowledge didn’t happen before puberty, before the hormones kicked in, my husband thinks he might have had more of a chance for a normal life. He never had a normal life. Maybe never will. I only hope it’s a happier one, and one where he isn’t a target.



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