Bad day

Today I am pretty sure I’m going to die…

Funny how ego stands up and laughs at grief. Our poetry reading was fine, I felt my normal jealous and competitive self. Then this AM, gripped by fear when I happened on a a news site about how transgender folk are targeted and tormented. ¬†Doesn’t matter that Caitlin has role-modeled. Will I ever feel a sense of safety, well-being about him/her again? Should I? How superficial am I? Will I be able to accept how she’ll look, the new voice? Dear God, don’t let me be contemptuous. And will my marriage survive? My husband is being pretty quiet and contained, other than the first day of nausea, actually taking it all better than I would have expected. We need each other to get through this. It has to be harder on him, losing his son, the same sex.

Have faith in the loving heart.

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